I Miss High School!!!

I've heard from most of my friends that High School Musical II isn't that good compared to the first. I disagree. Just minutes ago i've been touched by the pictures, the music, the songs and the moves and it makes me wanna go back to high school again where life is less complicated. And now I feel nostalgic.

I miss the times when we acted so childishly on things like love, friendship and life.
I miss running out in the fields playing kites.
I miss the high school love affairs and the pseudo-love complications like break ups and triangles.
I miss throwing out papers with silly notes while the teacher is away.
I miss the competition inside the classroom that pushes you to do everything just to get the highest grade.
I miss the high school showbiz and the popularity you get out of some silly dance steps.
I miss the high school pep squad and the cheers we made together, the steps we created together and the championship we won together.
I miss high school intramurals meet.
I miss cutting classes. I realized it feels different when you do it in college.
I miss Seth and riding in his car while we share the same mushiness with each other.
I miss the other guys in the gang at times when thirst can only be satisfied with a bottle of beer or rhum.
I miss my friends and the times we watched porn together.
I miss those times when we flood a household of a birthday celebrator.
I miss Vincent and the nights full of non-sensical, no-brainer but heart warming conversations.
I miss James.
I miss Romeda and Sapphire.
I miss Jackelyn.
I miss Nam-nam and Paul, and Zarl Jane and Quennie.
I miss Norberts and the whole CHRISTMAS PARTY (that's what we call our barkada)
I miss the whole batch.
I miss everything.

Before I thought my life is already complicated. I used to worry over a mistake in an exam and felt like it's the end of the world. I even thought I had all the problems life could bring. but when I was able to look at it closely and compare it to my life now, I realized life is way easier and fun before. If I sum up all the things I miss, i'd say that I just miss the lightness, the nonchalance, the little complexity, the thrill and carefreeness of being a high school boy. If only I could, i'll go back. I think I missed to seize the the chance to "run free, while young".

Hmmmm....here goes my senti mood again. Whatever! I'm sure i'm going to watch the movie for the second time and maybe more and be more senti.

P.S. It still didn't make me cry. No movie yet has been produced to pull the tears from my eyes. Hehehehe

Of Happiness and Choice

Ok fine. I am not a good student in my college life and I do admit that fact. I spent most of my time doing things my curriculum does not specify. My reasons are plenty and they varied in levels of reasonability. But I am not up to enumerating all of them here because I know at the end i'll produce frowning faces, crumpled forehead and minds thinking of fantastic mockery.

I've been debating- going to different parts of the country to join competitions and trainings; doing theatrical works- touring around the country for performances and workshops and some directorial works which made me earn money; and volunteering- reaching out to depressed areas in Mindanao and sharing the little that I have to them who feels that life is really very unfair. And I am proud to say that i've been happy and contented with the things that I achieved with those things that I do.

Sadly, few seem to appreciate that bliss that I have found. Most people would say, "well that's good!" plus: "but that isn't your priority". Others would even tell me "that would not do you any good at all". Those people I am talking about are my friends, instructors, relatives, classmates and parents.

I understand. They are concerned of my future. The future which is believed to be only achived through formal education (really?) But have they understood me? Have they seen the value of that happiness I got by choosing to take this path I am on? Have they understood and realized that my life isn't all about classrooms and books and flat ones in my grade card? That my learning is not only limited within the confines of marketing, management, accounting, business law and what not? I am just wondering. I am just thinking aloud. For so many times, I have felt guilt because of these issues and the feeling is really not good.

Clearly, i have nothing against my parents and the others. This is just their only request, a request they are willing to die for and sacrifice things just to ensure its achievement. And in fairness to me, I am responding to that request (it is reasonable afterall). I am trying so hard to stike a balance somewhere in the middle. I just hate the added burden.

I am not alone. I know there are alot of you out there who feel oppressed because they choose to be self-reliant. And I pity those who are gravely condemned by the people around them because of the things they do which are not in accordance to societal constructs. I am talking about the emo punks, those people who are in Nursing because their parents want them to be out of the country and get big salaries, those who are forced to run government offices because they need to follow their elders' path, those people who chose to be on the streets to rally for their cause and being scolded and outcasted by their families. Them.

I just only wish that standards of our society change from following what is written by dead (or even the alive) structuralist scholars to weighing the achievement of happiness. I just only hope that people would learn more on how to appreciate and value choices of others even if it is against common norms and traditions. I believe that being different is becoming a different person. We are just human and we have varied needs and this should be respected. Case in point: Princess Diana was able to modernize the British Monarch by doing things her ancestors never did before.

In the future, when I am finished doing my parents' request, I will live my life according to what pleases my heart and my soul. I won't care if people would see it wrongly or if their opinion on the road I would take is way disapproving. Because in the end, I do not want to be like Norma Jean and others who committed suicide just because they see theirselves failing to please the others.

Back To Reality

Few hours from now i'll be in another Philippine region. I'll be flying back south in Cagayan de Oro and take the long bus ride to Iligan and the i-hate-the-most "armak" trip to MSU. My semestral break will finally be over and i'll be back in reality- BALIK ESKWELA NA NAMAN PARE!

Few hours ago I was with Asmira together with a person (an important one) who I have not seen for some two years already- Julius. He's one of my debate mentors back then and one of the great Grand Archons of ROSTRUM's history. The meeting was not as extravagant (as expected of people who have not met for a very long time). No feasts. No shindigs. We just dined somewhere in Glorietta, had fun in a fancy KTV bar somewhere in Makati and the best part of it- sitting on the sidewalk, telling stories, sharing sentiments, laughing blah blah blah...See, I told ya'll, happiness does not require extravagance. Happiness can be found in the simplest thing people do...

At least, i'll be back in school feeling better than when the previous semester ended. There are a lot of things I am looking forward to, things I wanna start doing, people I wanna see again and my reality I wanna face with my better shape. c:

Hunter

It's the first day of November and apparently a lot are busy because of the holiday. While everyone else are sweating lighting candles at the mausoleums, while the police are wary about securing the cemeteries and the streets and while the souls are rejoicing because they are being commemorated, I was enjoying my life just sleeping, eating and watching DVD.

For this time I was watching Hunter X Hunter. By the name itself you can tell its genre is action-packed, blood-stained, fast-paced, movie. It's an Anime. Cartoons. For those who do not know Hunter X Hunter, it was shown in some TV network and got popular because of the cute characters like Gon, Kurapika, Leorio and Kilua (by the way, I am spelling the names based on how I heard them being pronounced). The odd thing is, I do not usually find pleasure in watching this kind of show. I thought before, it's just some kind of childish nonsense thing. But I was wrong...

In the 10 episodes that I saw (yes, it's a series) I learned something valuable from it: "IF YOU WANT TO KNOW SOMEONE, YOU SHOULD KNOW WHAT ANGERS THEM". The rationale behind the thought is not the usual reason of "you need to know what angers the person so that you won't anger him/her over and over again" it is actually more of valuing other people's philosophy in life. In the movie Gon said, that people becomes angry when they can see that you put no value on something that is very important to them, not only on the physical or worldly level but it may also transcend to deeper emotional, intellectual or spiritual aspect of the person. That by knowing what angers them, you may be able to realize what is important to them and would end up finding value in it. Somewhat common, but something that most people forget or even don't put attention to.

Moreover, I was touched by the movie when it highlighted how important it is to let someone in silence when he/she is angry or out of the mood (that's my attitude, do not talk to me when I am mad. You'll drive me crazy!!!). Some people find it hard to understand that it is best to talk to people when they are in their calm state. People who are angered or mad may be tactless and really very mean. so if you want lesser damage, please just leave the person alone (case in point, AKO!!). True, there are some disadvantages in doing this but we just have to be rational in dealing with the situation.

Finally, I realized that watching Anime is not just about the power-power, or the martial arts galore, or the fancy characters...They try to instill some lessons we cannot learn from High School Musical or the Godfather and what have you. So please, do not condemn children and even old people who watch Anime!

When We Are As Simple As A Child

Heaven is at hand
when we are as simple as a child
playful, yet, have our own ambitions
lots of toys, candies, new clothes
and that ambition to be super heroes...

This was the intro of my oration piece when I was a third grader. For me, its message never fades through times. It is always relevant despite the numerous changes we see around. It reminds us that we should always THINK YOUNG but ACT MATURE.

In Ambiguity

This is not new. This had happened before and it's happening again.

Well this isn't something like "I am dying" or "I have AIDS" not even "I am in love" but relevant enough to fall into the category of SERIOUS. I am talking about my feelings, my thoughts and my apprehensions and basically this is the "I am confused" moments of my life.

I was in Baguio the other week for my 3rd National Debate Championship. The place was so nice not to mention the wonderful scenery and the cool weather. I had fun trying to blend with the very disciplined environment of the Philippine Military Academy. I and my teammate qualified for the Octofinals and lost against UP Diliman and Manila in the quarters. I saw the tabs, I got nice scores of 77's (thanks Aids and Estelle for being so generous) and I was in the upper bracket, which implies that I am improving.

Now I am in Manila (again). Time to feel the luxury of semestral break. Time to feel the scorching heat of the sun even under the aegis of the mighty red roof. Time to munch french fries and coke float at Mc Donalds. And time for oversleeping. There is something new added to that list actually- STARBUCKS. I am now becoming excessively "coffeeholic" and "cigarophilic" (hahahaha love the terms).

On November 3, i'll be flying back to Cagayan and take that long bus and jeepney trip to Marawi. Back to school fellas! It's second semester and I am enrolled with 17 units with Business Law-Obligations and Contracts on the list of my subjects. I am praying that I do not have early morning classes coz that would put a doom in my life.

And that's it! Those are the things that I did and I would do, moments that I had and being looked forward to. But I do not know what to feel. I am not sure if I should be happy or sad. I'm out of feelings. I'm getting numb. Maybe I need some friendly advices or those exercises they practice in some "religious sects" coz honestly, I feel so lonely in the middle of so many things to do and to think about.

I am sure of one thing though: My life is in the midst of AMBIGUITY and traversing this path is difficult. The only thing I could hope for is finding the light at the end of the tunnel as soon as possible.