In Ambiguity

This is not new. This had happened before and it's happening again.

Well this isn't something like "I am dying" or "I have AIDS" not even "I am in love" but relevant enough to fall into the category of SERIOUS. I am talking about my feelings, my thoughts and my apprehensions and basically this is the "I am confused" moments of my life.

I was in Baguio the other week for my 3rd National Debate Championship. The place was so nice not to mention the wonderful scenery and the cool weather. I had fun trying to blend with the very disciplined environment of the Philippine Military Academy. I and my teammate qualified for the Octofinals and lost against UP Diliman and Manila in the quarters. I saw the tabs, I got nice scores of 77's (thanks Aids and Estelle for being so generous) and I was in the upper bracket, which implies that I am improving.

Now I am in Manila (again). Time to feel the luxury of semestral break. Time to feel the scorching heat of the sun even under the aegis of the mighty red roof. Time to munch french fries and coke float at Mc Donalds. And time for oversleeping. There is something new added to that list actually- STARBUCKS. I am now becoming excessively "coffeeholic" and "cigarophilic" (hahahaha love the terms).

On November 3, i'll be flying back to Cagayan and take that long bus and jeepney trip to Marawi. Back to school fellas! It's second semester and I am enrolled with 17 units with Business Law-Obligations and Contracts on the list of my subjects. I am praying that I do not have early morning classes coz that would put a doom in my life.

And that's it! Those are the things that I did and I would do, moments that I had and being looked forward to. But I do not know what to feel. I am not sure if I should be happy or sad. I'm out of feelings. I'm getting numb. Maybe I need some friendly advices or those exercises they practice in some "religious sects" coz honestly, I feel so lonely in the middle of so many things to do and to think about.

I am sure of one thing though: My life is in the midst of AMBIGUITY and traversing this path is difficult. The only thing I could hope for is finding the light at the end of the tunnel as soon as possible.