Of Happiness and Choice

Ok fine. I am not a good student in my college life and I do admit that fact. I spent most of my time doing things my curriculum does not specify. My reasons are plenty and they varied in levels of reasonability. But I am not up to enumerating all of them here because I know at the end i'll produce frowning faces, crumpled forehead and minds thinking of fantastic mockery.

I've been debating- going to different parts of the country to join competitions and trainings; doing theatrical works- touring around the country for performances and workshops and some directorial works which made me earn money; and volunteering- reaching out to depressed areas in Mindanao and sharing the little that I have to them who feels that life is really very unfair. And I am proud to say that i've been happy and contented with the things that I achieved with those things that I do.

Sadly, few seem to appreciate that bliss that I have found. Most people would say, "well that's good!" plus: "but that isn't your priority". Others would even tell me "that would not do you any good at all". Those people I am talking about are my friends, instructors, relatives, classmates and parents.

I understand. They are concerned of my future. The future which is believed to be only achived through formal education (really?) But have they understood me? Have they seen the value of that happiness I got by choosing to take this path I am on? Have they understood and realized that my life isn't all about classrooms and books and flat ones in my grade card? That my learning is not only limited within the confines of marketing, management, accounting, business law and what not? I am just wondering. I am just thinking aloud. For so many times, I have felt guilt because of these issues and the feeling is really not good.

Clearly, i have nothing against my parents and the others. This is just their only request, a request they are willing to die for and sacrifice things just to ensure its achievement. And in fairness to me, I am responding to that request (it is reasonable afterall). I am trying so hard to stike a balance somewhere in the middle. I just hate the added burden.

I am not alone. I know there are alot of you out there who feel oppressed because they choose to be self-reliant. And I pity those who are gravely condemned by the people around them because of the things they do which are not in accordance to societal constructs. I am talking about the emo punks, those people who are in Nursing because their parents want them to be out of the country and get big salaries, those who are forced to run government offices because they need to follow their elders' path, those people who chose to be on the streets to rally for their cause and being scolded and outcasted by their families. Them.

I just only wish that standards of our society change from following what is written by dead (or even the alive) structuralist scholars to weighing the achievement of happiness. I just only hope that people would learn more on how to appreciate and value choices of others even if it is against common norms and traditions. I believe that being different is becoming a different person. We are just human and we have varied needs and this should be respected. Case in point: Princess Diana was able to modernize the British Monarch by doing things her ancestors never did before.

In the future, when I am finished doing my parents' request, I will live my life according to what pleases my heart and my soul. I won't care if people would see it wrongly or if their opinion on the road I would take is way disapproving. Because in the end, I do not want to be like Norma Jean and others who committed suicide just because they see theirselves failing to please the others.